wasssssup.

yay! i feel happy again :) so heres a little recap of my weekend :

friday: everything was okay on friday. it was just another one of those whatever days. for reals. i was really bummed though, only because on thursday, lakers lost! but thats okay ! because today we won ! and we won by A LOT, i just forgot how many. hahahahaha. so after school, i went home and just touched up and drove to the shoppes to meet with camille :) we shopped for a bit and found my confirmation outfit, and pencil skirt and a bright yellow top :) yayyyy! and then we just walked around, and i bumped into jacob ! well i didnt bump into him, because i knew he was at the shoppes, but he found me :) so then, i guess he needed a ride home, so i gave him one :) ended up at staying at his casa until like, 5:15 ish. i met his 'rents, and we chilled and just watched tv. like, 10 minutes of icarly, and about 10 minutes of that 70's show. plus you know, all the commercials and stuff. then went to st. paul to pick up my sister. we went to get chipotle, and then i drove my mom to walnut just so she can get a haircut. phewwww. sheeesh. hahahaha. and then i came home and i was SUPER tired. well because the night before, i stayed up till freaking midnight talking on the phone ! but it was well worth it :) so i guess i came home,and just chilllllllled.

saturday: THE DAY I GOT CONFIRMED! i was so excited, but too bad my mom woke me up freaking early when i was planning to sleep in until 10, she woke up at like 8:30 saying that there was food downstairs. i was hungry, but i wanted to sleep in more, and she kept bugging me to wake up. so she waits an hour and finally gets my sister to come up to my room and ask me to wake up. sheeeesh. so i woke up, ate, then went back to sleep for about 20 minutes. then i played around with my hair to see what i could do. then i went on youtube, looked up some hair tutorial, watched it, then took a shower, and got ready :) then we went to church, and i got ready for confirmation and blah blah blah :) i was so excited ! everyone looked freaking nice, i was so happy! hahahah and honestly, it felt like i was at a freaking graduation. but the weather was nice too ! so after, we kept taking pictures, and then when we finally stopped taking pictures, we went to go eat at pei wei's in the commmons. and they have a whole grip of fortune cookies !! =D ! so then marjorie came over, and we watched some of the laker game, until my sister decides that all three of us should walk to click. so we did, and i was still in my confirmation clothing. -_- we only took pictures at like what? 2 booths? but it was well worth it =) so then denise wanted starbucks, so i drive my ass down all the way to starbucks and spend a good 10 bucks on drinks. i came home and we finished the laker game, with us winning :) yaaaay ! and then my mom and i drove around to get something to eat, and we ended up going to in and out. then we ate and watched harry potter, and then dropped marjorie home. then now im here thinking about everything that has happened this past week. and honeslty, im so over everything. i think i found something, and im going to pursue with it this time. i have a feeling, that this one is something i haven't experienced before.
we'll see.

april 25th, 2009
-tired
-sleepy
-happy
-confused
-mad ( not a lot )
- & im officially missing you !
ha

WHAT THE FUCK.

is the world on some sort of mission to just totally piss me off today or what? or to just totally make me feel like shit?! because if it is, mission mother fucking accomplished.


seriously, fuck my life. lately, i havent been caring anymore. school's almost done, and i got my license and i all wanna do is just go out and chill. forget all this bullshit and lets just do something. honestly, i dont give a fuck anymore, or im starting. and its applying to almost everything now. school, boys, whatever, just i dont give a fuck anymore. i dont know why the hell im so pissed right now. i feel like i just wanna blow up, just fucking punch someone straight in the face. i think that would make me feel SO much better. maybe not, i dont know. i dont wanna forgive people for just hurting me. fuckers. can someone just tell me what the fuck is happening with me?! why im so pissed like this?! this isn't like me. for reals. and im more leaning towards of a confused feel. i dont know WHAT to feel. if i should be happy, sad, i dont fucking know anymore. im just fucking pissed off, and i dont know what the hell im going to do with myself tonight. REALLY.

** im so sick and tired of all your bull shit. its just turning me into someone im not. i cant believe myself, that i would go this far to feel like this. thanks, A LOT.

UGH.

day one

of driving ALONE :)

honestly, i love the feeling. and yes i can admit that its kinda boring, since you're not really with anyone, but oh well. i feel so freaking cool now ! =) and i can play music in my car without worrying about it being awkward with my mom or my dad ! weeeeeeeeeee ! so on the way there, i guess coming down eucalyptus (spelling?) i was going down the hill, and then all of a sudden i guess this stray dog decided to just run across the street. SHIT. i got so scared, and luckly, the car behind me was like miles away, so i stopped and just waited until it got to the other side with safety. but at the same time i could hear my mothers voice in my head " just run over the animal, would you rather hit the animal? or someone hit you " BAHAHA to bad she wasnt in the car with me to tell me that ! bahahahahahaha ! but yeah, i felt so cool when i could finally park in the parking lot, get out and LOCK THE DOOR :)
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i hated though, how it was super windy today, which made it coldER then it was. but whatever, i just danced with my jeans on and my jacket.
after poly, i decided not to stay, i couldnt bear the coldness outside, and i really wanted to just drive around.. no joke :)
so i wanted to go get my eyebrows done, so i drove around to find the cheapest place. and i did! and the lady was like " hope to see you soon " O_O okaaaaay.
i bought my sister and i little cell phone key chain thingies. i have hello kitty, and she has the girl from animal crossing. prettttay dope huh? =) so blah blah i came home, did nothing, played animal crossing, and my mom told me that she'll be at my cousins house till like forever, so i got hungry and asked if we could get something to eat. and we did. but seriously, i had to take my dad :( but my sister sat in the front ! =) but its ridiculous, my dad STILL tells me what to do. REALLY NOW?! -_- ugh, whatever !

so now im here! and im super excited for tomorrow ! kaycee's casa and the movies =)
and then on friday.. six flags ! WEEEEEEEEEEE
i <3 spring break. and really. i think i should prolly start on homework.. i have shit loads to do. FML.

eastaaaaaaah :)

mass was ridiculously crowded ! but of course, its easter sunday !
im so happy, i finally saw adriel after like 3498753495 years ! for reals :)

so my family and i headed on over to san dimas to a party. happy birthday katherine basallo :) i miss you girl, and i hope you have many more birthdays to come!

today was just chill and whatever. i woke up really late ! and i was pissed because i forgot that i had chores to do, so now that leaves me with stuff to do on monday. oh well :(. as i said, today was chill. i liked the weather a lot! nice and sunny! i was happy that i met up with kristin, steven, and ghian! i miss them, and it felt really good to just meet up with them. =] we chilled and played king elephant, tried to go back to those memmories :) and then we played mafia, but before it got all good, i had to leave :( which totally sucks. we came home and i did of course, nothing. well i turned on our wii and played animal crossing ! it was a great feeling! =] so im basically packed for this whole week, :
monday- stay home and clean the whole day, and maybe do some studying and homework
tuesday- dmv !
wednesday- poly practice from 10-12:30
thursday- kaycee's casa, & a surprise visit (;
friday- six flags :)

YAYYYYYYY im so excited !!!! =]

wasted

time.




alll that effort, well not really, just wasted. its so hard to see what you want just totally dissappear in front of your face. to have faith in something, and you KNOW its not going to work. stupid stupid stupid. that's all i'll ever be right? right.

i have no clue why i thought i had it all..
hahahahahahahahah fucking stupid.

april 11th, 2009
-fucking beyond pissed
-crushed
-mad

what

the ef.



REALLY NOW?!
YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

i was looking foward to this spring break to just being something i can fall back and just chill. and what do you know? the first day has gone bad. what the heck. i dont understand. i just feel like i cant trust anyone anymore. that one thing i will say, will just leak out to the whole world. its like i cant tell anyone my secrets without anyone else knowing or talking about it. really now? i cant believe you guys. i really can't. its like you guys dont respect the dont tell anyone rule. and i've known you guys forever and a day, and you just cant do that one thing for me. REALLY. i mean seriously. what a crappy way to start the first day of spring break right?! seriously !!! i thought you guys had my backs and everything. what the eff is up with you just talking about it?! i mean really now. and the fact that it came up with someone and you just happened to add on... wth is that?! i feel like you guys dont even respect my wishes, i mean really, its not that hard to not tell someone.. reallly. its not. and apprently you guys dont really understand that it IS personal stuff.. and i DO mind if everyone knows. and im pretty freaking sure that you wouldnt want people to know either right? i thought so. i dont know what to do anymore. im so dissappointed in you, ALL of you.
thanks.

april 10th 2009:
-effing pissed
-forgotten
-dissapointed
-sad
-all jittery
- & NOT confused :)

what the RANDOM?!

weeeee ! surprise blog ! :)

nah nah, just a little update!

I AM SO GLAD THAT:
-DBQ project is DONE ! and over with, nothing to really worry about except the stupid test thats coming up pretty soon ! :( well pretty soon as in friday. HAHA that was lame of me to say that...
- I HAVE AN A IN SPANISH ! crazy bitch put tests to 60% ! what the random is THAT!? but it doesnt matter, at least i raised it :) yayayayayayayayayaya !
- i have unlimited texting. WOHOO ! hahah thats all i ever do now.. just text, text, and text somemore ! :)

so yeah, basically i've entered a " la vida buena " hype.. (the good life, for all those none spanish speaking people) but im pretty sure its going to wear out soon, only because i KNOW im getting that math test back :( it was super hard ! no joke. i just know it. :( oh well. AND the fact that im taking my license test next tuesday is something to smile about i guess ! well, i take that back. everything should be a reason to smile. i hate feeling sad, and honestly, now im just trying to keep a positive attitude ( which is VERY hard). no more sadness and madness... really.. im so happy with how everything in my life is unfolding ! =) and mostly its because my girls got my back no matter what, i know they do. I LOVE YOU GUYS !!!!

SOOOOOO, with that said, i guess thats what i really wanted to say. well not really. im really scared for the apush test, and for my math grade ! oh and speaking of, i offically just raised it to a B! YES. hahaha feels so good ! see, im telling you, everything right now is just slowly falling into place. but not EVERYTHING. we'll see what goes down for those things that haven't, those things im still quite puzzeled about! STUPID ! :(

" you do what you love, and you fuck the rest"
AMEN TO THAT.

April 8th 2009:
-sick (getting there )
- & SUPER CONFUSED.

seriously?!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

so so SO much has been going down lately. and i know i said that before on my last blog, but im dead serious right now. hahahah no joke.

so, i guess i just wanna get stuff off my chest.
if you wanna try and fuck with the people i love, then you dont deserve to be my friend. who the eff do you think you are, saying shit like that, what the eff do you think your problem is. i dont think you see people spreading stuff like that about you, do you? didn't think so. and you know what, at least he said it to you motha freaking face, not behind your back. dont try and deny the fact that you did say that kind of stuff, then why the hell would you be in this mess bitch?! yeah. thought so. so just one word of advice: don't ever fuck with my bests agian, GOT IT BITCH?

SO, thats off my chest, everything has been going well. right now, stupid projects are just being thrown at me right and left, & honestly, i dont know if i can keep up. & balancing homework on top of that is just insane. i didnt think it would become this bad.. and right now my grades are just something else. something else as in a bad something else. i dont know what the eff just happened to me. i just lost it, and just gave up. i wish i could just do that. give up on the whole world. wouldn't that be a sight? but im trying. im trying my best to pull myself out of this dipshit. THANK THE LORD FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

wohooo ! sadies tomorrow ! too bad im freaking busy !:( whatever, ill somewhat manage through. and honestly, i think a night like sadies will just push my thoughts away. everything that i've been stressing about will just be gone ! and im super excited for sadies ! freaking 1100 plus people, DAYUM isss gonna be hot in thuuuuur.

retreat was AWESOME. im so thankful that ive gotten to go through something like that. now i am so ready to be confirmed :) yayayayay ! i thank the lord for helping me choose the correct sponsor. because of this wonderful retreat, i feel that we're on better terms, and we've grown deeper into our faith. and i LOVE that :) it makes me really happy !

okay, but yeah , just a little update. :)

<3