wasted

time.




alll that effort, well not really, just wasted. its so hard to see what you want just totally dissappear in front of your face. to have faith in something, and you KNOW its not going to work. stupid stupid stupid. that's all i'll ever be right? right.

i have no clue why i thought i had it all..
hahahahahahahahah fucking stupid.

april 11th, 2009
-fucking beyond pissed
-crushed
-mad

what

the ef.



REALLY NOW?!
YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

i was looking foward to this spring break to just being something i can fall back and just chill. and what do you know? the first day has gone bad. what the heck. i dont understand. i just feel like i cant trust anyone anymore. that one thing i will say, will just leak out to the whole world. its like i cant tell anyone my secrets without anyone else knowing or talking about it. really now? i cant believe you guys. i really can't. its like you guys dont respect the dont tell anyone rule. and i've known you guys forever and a day, and you just cant do that one thing for me. REALLY. i mean seriously. what a crappy way to start the first day of spring break right?! seriously !!! i thought you guys had my backs and everything. what the eff is up with you just talking about it?! i mean really now. and the fact that it came up with someone and you just happened to add on... wth is that?! i feel like you guys dont even respect my wishes, i mean really, its not that hard to not tell someone.. reallly. its not. and apprently you guys dont really understand that it IS personal stuff.. and i DO mind if everyone knows. and im pretty freaking sure that you wouldnt want people to know either right? i thought so. i dont know what to do anymore. im so dissappointed in you, ALL of you.
thanks.

april 10th 2009:
-effing pissed
-forgotten
-dissapointed
-sad
-all jittery
- & NOT confused :)

what the RANDOM?!

weeeee ! surprise blog ! :)

nah nah, just a little update!

I AM SO GLAD THAT:
-DBQ project is DONE ! and over with, nothing to really worry about except the stupid test thats coming up pretty soon ! :( well pretty soon as in friday. HAHA that was lame of me to say that...
- I HAVE AN A IN SPANISH ! crazy bitch put tests to 60% ! what the random is THAT!? but it doesnt matter, at least i raised it :) yayayayayayayayayaya !
- i have unlimited texting. WOHOO ! hahah thats all i ever do now.. just text, text, and text somemore ! :)

so yeah, basically i've entered a " la vida buena " hype.. (the good life, for all those none spanish speaking people) but im pretty sure its going to wear out soon, only because i KNOW im getting that math test back :( it was super hard ! no joke. i just know it. :( oh well. AND the fact that im taking my license test next tuesday is something to smile about i guess ! well, i take that back. everything should be a reason to smile. i hate feeling sad, and honestly, now im just trying to keep a positive attitude ( which is VERY hard). no more sadness and madness... really.. im so happy with how everything in my life is unfolding ! =) and mostly its because my girls got my back no matter what, i know they do. I LOVE YOU GUYS !!!!

SOOOOOO, with that said, i guess thats what i really wanted to say. well not really. im really scared for the apush test, and for my math grade ! oh and speaking of, i offically just raised it to a B! YES. hahaha feels so good ! see, im telling you, everything right now is just slowly falling into place. but not EVERYTHING. we'll see what goes down for those things that haven't, those things im still quite puzzeled about! STUPID ! :(

" you do what you love, and you fuck the rest"
AMEN TO THAT.

April 8th 2009:
-sick (getting there )
- & SUPER CONFUSED.

seriously?!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

so so SO much has been going down lately. and i know i said that before on my last blog, but im dead serious right now. hahahah no joke.

so, i guess i just wanna get stuff off my chest.
if you wanna try and fuck with the people i love, then you dont deserve to be my friend. who the eff do you think you are, saying shit like that, what the eff do you think your problem is. i dont think you see people spreading stuff like that about you, do you? didn't think so. and you know what, at least he said it to you motha freaking face, not behind your back. dont try and deny the fact that you did say that kind of stuff, then why the hell would you be in this mess bitch?! yeah. thought so. so just one word of advice: don't ever fuck with my bests agian, GOT IT BITCH?

SO, thats off my chest, everything has been going well. right now, stupid projects are just being thrown at me right and left, & honestly, i dont know if i can keep up. & balancing homework on top of that is just insane. i didnt think it would become this bad.. and right now my grades are just something else. something else as in a bad something else. i dont know what the eff just happened to me. i just lost it, and just gave up. i wish i could just do that. give up on the whole world. wouldn't that be a sight? but im trying. im trying my best to pull myself out of this dipshit. THANK THE LORD FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

wohooo ! sadies tomorrow ! too bad im freaking busy !:( whatever, ill somewhat manage through. and honestly, i think a night like sadies will just push my thoughts away. everything that i've been stressing about will just be gone ! and im super excited for sadies ! freaking 1100 plus people, DAYUM isss gonna be hot in thuuuuur.

retreat was AWESOME. im so thankful that ive gotten to go through something like that. now i am so ready to be confirmed :) yayayayay ! i thank the lord for helping me choose the correct sponsor. because of this wonderful retreat, i feel that we're on better terms, and we've grown deeper into our faith. and i LOVE that :) it makes me really happy !

okay, but yeah , just a little update. :)

<3

updates :)

so many pictures! have fun viewing them!

ALOT HAS BEEN GOING DOWN
& honestly, things aren't looking so good for me. but i have my friends and my family to stand behind me, to just keep me going, and i deeply appreciate everyone that has just been there for me. I LOVE YOU ALL.

LUCKY BITCHES WHO WENT ON RETREAT THIS WEEKEND. so down to just relax and forget about the world. no joke. especially with things going on like, seeing that one person. but whatever, people are telling me to just forget, and i think im on my way to just doing that. i dont need people like that person in my life. i was more then willing to keep you in, but since you dont wanna come in, leave bitch. just fucking leave.

i cant believe that it feels like my life is literally is taking a trip down the dark hole. kawawa. but whatever, im going to stop complaining about this because i keep talking about it.

YESTERDAY, made my day :) freaking justin and david. hahahahaha :)
stupid DBQ project. screwing all of us over, due april 8th :( we'll see how that goes, i dont know. we're pretty far ahead.. and what sucks is that justin is freaking leaving for tour, so thats triple the work :( ugh whatever !

<3

wassssup.

WEST SIDE : )
that is how its done. i swear, all star weekend was hella dope :)
co mvps: kobe and shaq, its so cute, brings back great memmories.

NAS and i were talking, and we totally think that they should bring back shaq. imagine who better our team would be. :) we'd kick everyone's bootay!

so today was just a whatever day. i slept so much today. slept a good 11+ hours last night, and then another good 3-4 hours today. :) too bad, when i woke up i was all sick and nausiated. i felt like throwing up, and my head was hurting like a bitch. it felt like something was literally pounding on my head. UGH i hate those. i remember falling asleep to my sister playing animal crossing. i swear, that girl is amazing. she got me 16,000 dollars worth of fish today. THANK YOU :)

i am so stoked for this week. i think this whole week, imma be in mr higgins room doing homework for this week, so i wont have to worry about anything. and i need to seriously catch up on a lot of things.. and its bugging me how im not getting shit done. and speaking of un done shit, i still need to order my baby's flower thingy for formal :( UGH and i still have to get him his tie and everything. every year, i swear, i always have a problem with matching. and the color is so simple : gray, and there is virtually no one who has a matching tie wtfffffff ! insane crazyness.

tomorrow, is another one of those procrastination days. -___- sometimes i wish i could just get shit done, but i know with my personality, i choose not too.. but whatever, itll just give me a day to just focus.

WHEN is ate jingkie coming !? i hope she doesnt come the week of formal, cuhs then i wont be able to spend some time with her :( and this time i promised her that i would take her shopping for reals :( and then i wont be there?! and she wants to go back to disneyland.. and i know her cousins can get us in for 50 bucks... both parks.. SO :) hopefully my schedule will be empty for that.

i think im done, theres nothing really to blog about. im just bored. :)

happy..

motha fuckin' valentines day.
i shouldnt be pissed or mad or upset. all these mixed emotions are unhealthy cuhs its just going to mix with all the fucking stress i have because of this last week, and im anticipating MORE stress this week. GREAT.


---> DISNEYLAND WAS THE BESTERESTEST!
here you go, for your viewing pleasure.

anyways, poly was fun today :) just worked on formations, finally, i know what im doing, and its chill because im close to alll the officers :) and today, charlsea got some juice gave some to me, and told me there was vodka in it -________- silly girl. i was going to spit it out. hahaha but maybe im the stupid one.. cuhs i KNOW shes not like that... hahahahah :) i love you chaz ! but it was so cold today ! :( but thats okay, because the sun came out and it was all warm ! and then i was sleepy cuhs it felt sooo good..

after poly, my parents picked me up and they bought chinese food for all of us. came home, ate, and my dad and my mom made me drive to pomona and pretend to drive around like a real license test. just one more time, and my dad thinks im ready. i think im ready to.. it shouldnt be that bad.. hopefully my test person thingy is REALLY nice :)

ALL STAR WEEKEND :) too bad that jason kapono didnt win the three point shoot out :( i was totally rooting for him.. but thats okay, slam dunk contest should be pretty dope too... gooo dwight howard ! fucking beast !

i miss laker games :( they dont play until tuesday, against the hawks ! so i am sooo looking foward to that ! someone take me to meet jordan farmar ! <33333333>

AS for homework.. i have a lot.. math and chemistry.. wonderful. i think i should start apush too.. just incase i get left behind again..

WHATEVER.